Soapbox
A (long) Note to Republicans concerned about Socialism:
This morning I awoke to my alarm clock at exactly 6:00am, an alarm clock powered by The Public Electric Utility which is regulated by the U.S Department of Energy (USDOE) and the Federal Trade Commission (FTC). I know that it was exactly 6:00am because my atomic alarm clocks accuracy is a public service that is cooperatively provided by the two time agencies of the United States: the Department of Commerce agency, the National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST), and its military counterpart, the U. S. Naval Observatory (USNO). Readings from the clocks of these agencies contribute to world time, called Coordinated Universal Time (UTC). The time maintained by both agencies should never differ by more than 0.000 0001 seconds from UTC.
I then took a shower in clean water provided by the municipal water agency and brushed my teeth with toothpaste whose safety is assured to me by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). I then got dressed in clothes that were manufactured in a communist country, but I have been assured by Public Service Announcements (PSA’s) on TV, that are regulated by the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) that the companies that made my clothes are being inspected by the U.S. Department of Labor. While making myself breakfast from a vast assortment of foods that have been inspected by the U.S. Department of Agriculture and the FDA, I turn on my FCC and UL approved TV. Thanks to the government mandated digital TV conversion and their very helpful web site DTV.gov I’m able to enjoy the many benefits of watching FCC regulated news broadcasts in pure digital television. I quickly caught the days weather forecast provided by the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) and the National Weather Service. These agencies of course receive their information from satellites that are launched and maintained by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA). Just before leaving the house for work I take a few prescription drugs; which were tested for safety and regulated by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). On my way out the door I drop a few bills and letters in the mail box assured that they will be picked up and delivered promptly by the United States Postal Service (USPS). I know my mail will travel safely because the United States Postal Inspection Service, an agency with approximately 4,000 employees, 2,000 criminal investigators, an armed uniformed division with 1,000 personnel, forensic laboratories and a robust communications system, and with 1,000 technical and administrative support personnel are their to protect my birthday card to my Mother and my donation pledge to Americans Against Socialism.
I then head to work in a car that is approved by the U.S. Department of Transportation (USDOT) and the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTRA) on roads that have been engineered to standards created by the American Association of State Highway and Transportation Officials as well as research promulgated by the Transportation Research Board, the Institute of Transportation Engineers, the Federal Highway Administration, and the Department of Transportation. Let’s not forget that those roads were paid for by local state and federal agencies who collected my tax dollars through the Internal Revenue Service. Along the way to work I stop to purchase fuel that is of a quality level of the American Society for Testing and Manufacturing (ASTM) and I’m assured that the pump I’m using is safe for the environment by the U.S Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) and posted on the pump are the exact amounts of my tax dollars from each gallon that will be used for the public good. And thanks to Congress for creating the Coinage Act of 1792 and the U.S. Treasury for providing me with light weight paper currency I pay for the fuel. Usually I just use a plastic card issued by a bank that is regulated by federal and state level agencies. While using digital currency comes with some risk I’m happy to know that the U.S has one of the most highly regulated banking environments in the world, focusing on privacy, disclosure, fraud prevention, anti-money laundering, anti-terrorism, anti-usury lending, and promoting lending to lower-income segments.
Along the way I drop off my children at a public school which is governed by city and county school districts who follow mandated educational objectives set by the United States Department of Education.
After arriving at my job which has been determined to be “full-time” by the U.S. Congress definition of a full-time work week I proceed to toil at a job where I receive at least a minimum wage set by Congress and work in an environment that is generally safe because the Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) has intervened on my behalf to assure that safety. At work I’m thankful that the USSR’s launch of Sputnik spurred my Federal Government to create the Advanced Research Projects Agency (ARPA or DARPA) in February 1958 to regain a technological lead. After many significant breakthroughs and failures all funded by DARPA, the National Science Foundation, Congressional appropriations, the Military and many private companies the United States created the ARPANET which allowed a bunch of military people in a cave to communicate with the outside world and was eventually commercialized in the 1990’s to become the Internet we know today. And all this my government gave to me for a few tax dollars with no other restrictions. The Internet has no centralized governance in either technological implementation or policies for access and usage; each constituent network sets its own standards. Only the overreaching definitions of the two principal name spaces in the Internet, the Internet Protocol address space and the Domain Name System, are directed by a maintainer organization, the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers (ICANN). The technical underpinning and standardization of the core protocols (IPv4 and IPv6) is an activity of the Internet Engineering Task Force (IETF), a non-profit organization of loosely affiliated international participants that anyone may associate with by contributing technical expertise. Because of this monumental effort and my government created constitutional right to free speech I’m able to log onto foxnews.com and a variety of other conservative web sites where I can blog about how bad socialism is and how my government can never do anything right.
At the end of the day I arrive home knowing that my home and family are safe because of the National Building Code, National Electric Code, National Plumbing Code and National Fire Code. I pick up more mail relentlessly delivered by the U.S Postal Service and I find that my personal belonging are all still in place because of the regular patrols provided by my tax dollar supported city police department and county sheriff’s; who will also come on a moments notice to a FCC mandated and free 911 telephone call; even if I don’t pay my telephone bill. I cook dinner on a barbecue approved by the United States Consumer Product Safety Commission, an agency headed by commissioners appointed by the President of the United States and the Senate. As I eat I get a warm feeling knowing that the wheat, rice, corn, soybean, dairy, peanut, sugar, minor oil seeds, vegetable oil, honey and other crop farmers of America have been provided about $20 billion per year in direct subsidies as “farm income stabilization” so that my dinner would cost less than a liter of fuel in most EU countries. Over my dinner of USDA approved beef and Federally subsidized grains I discuss my plans to go hunting in Montana with one of my Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives approved rifles. I’ll most likely go to Montana on an airplane and thanks to the Air Commerce Act of 1926 the Department of Commerce was able to establish air traffic rules for the navigation, protection, and identification of aircraft, including rules as to safe altitudes of flight and rules for the prevention of collisions between vessels and aircraft. With the help of the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) and the Air Traffic Controllers Union I’m confident that my flight will arrive safely. But if something does go wrong with my flight the National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB) will step in to investigate on my behalf.
While I live a good life it sure seems like a lot is taken away from me. Every two weeks my pay check is missing absurd amounts for health insurance, income taxes, social security and Medicare. And while I pay for health insurance for my self and for my elected federal officials and federal employees through The Federal Employees Health Benefits Program (FEHBP) I’m a little confused why they don’t want me to have the same government run health insurance I pay for them to have. If my elected officials don’t want government run health insurance I’d be happy to stop paying for it for them; or at the very least they could give me their insurance to try out for a while so I can decide if I like it. And when I lose my job or retire I’d like to continue to receive that health insurance, just as they will.
Tonight I will go to bed on a Consumer Product Safety Commission approved mattress knowing that city, state and national regulations for energy use are helping to protect the planet from climate change. And if I lose my job at least I know the heat won’t get turned off due to The Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program (LIHEAP) a United States federal social services program first established in 1981 and funded annually through Congressional appropriations. And to get me through my job transition, as long as I spend 26 weeks or less transitioning, Federal rules were drawn by the United States Department of Labor, Employment and Training Administration to insure I receive my fair share of the Federal Unemployment Tax Act (FUTA) as unemployment benefits.
And tomorrow I will wake up and do it all again to preserve a nation free of the evils of socialism.
